name: never-split-the-difference
description: Apply Chris Voss's FBI negotiation tactics for persuasion, negotiation, sales, pricing discussions, conflict resolution, handling objections, partnership deals, or any situation requiring influence. Use when writing persuasive copy, preparing for difficult conversations, structuring offers, or understanding counterparty motivations.
tags: [persuade]

Never Split the Difference

Negotiation principles from FBI hostage negotiation, adapted for business and communication.

Core Principle: Tactical Empathy

Negotiation is not about logic—it's about emotions and the other party feeling understood.

Tactical empathy = Understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment, and hearing what's behind those feelings.

Goal: Get them to say "That's right" (they feel understood), not "You're right" (they want you to go away).

The Toolkit

1. Mirroring

Repeat the last 1-3 words (or critical words) of what someone said, with upward inflection.

Why it works: Creates connection, encourages elaboration, buys time.

Example:
- Them: "We can't do that price."
- You: "Can't do that price?"
- Them: [Explains the real constraint]

Use silence after mirroring. Let them fill the space.

2. Labeling

Name the emotion or dynamic you observe. Format: "It seems like..." / "It sounds like..." / "It looks like..."

Why it works: Diffuses negative emotions, reinforces positive ones.

Examples:
- "It seems like you're frustrated with the timeline."
- "It sounds like this decision has a lot riding on it."
- "It looks like you've been burned by vendors before."

Never say "I understand"—it's dismissive. Label specifically instead.

3. The Accusation Audit

List every negative thing the counterpart could think about you, upfront.

Why it works: Defuses objections before they're raised, builds trust.

Format: "You probably think [negative assumption]. You might be wondering [concern]. It may seem like [bad interpretation]."

Example (cold outreach):

"You're probably thinking this is another sales pitch. You might be wondering why I'm reaching out when you already have a solution. You may even think I haven't done my research..."

Anchor their expectations low so reality exceeds them.

4. Calibrated Questions

Open-ended questions starting with "How" or "What" that make them solve your problem.

Power questions:
- "How am I supposed to do that?"
- "What's the biggest challenge you face?"
- "How does this fit into your priorities?"
- "What happens if we don't do this?"
- "How would you like me to proceed?"

Avoid "Why": It sounds accusatory. Reframe as "What" instead.
- Not: "Why did you do that?"
- Better: "What caused you to do that?"

5. "No" is the Start

Getting to "No" is often more valuable than getting to "Yes."

• "No" makes people feel safe and in control
• A fast "Yes" is often fake (just trying to end conversation)
• Aim for "No" to surface real objections

Technique: Ask questions designed to get "No":
- "Is it a ridiculous idea to...?"
- "Have you given up on this project?"
- "Would it be a bad idea if...?"

6. The Late-Night FM DJ Voice

Calm, slow, downward-inflecting tone signals control and safety.

Use when:
- Tensions are high
- You need to slow things down
- Making a firm statement

Contrast with:
- Playful/positive voice: Default for building rapport
- Direct/assertive voice: Rare, for establishing boundaries

Black Swans

Black swans = Unknown unknowns that change everything if discovered.

Every negotiation has 3-5 pieces of information that would change everything.

How to find them:
- Listen for inconsistencies
- Ask "What would make this a perfect deal for you?"
- Pay attention to what they don't say
- Notice when emotion doesn't match words

Common black swans:
- They have a deadline you don't know about
- There's internal politics constraining them
- They value something you haven't surfaced
- They have an alternative you're unaware of

Anchoring

Extreme anchors move the negotiation range.

Techniques:
- Ackerman model: Start at 65% → 85% → 95% → 100% of target, with decreasing increments
- Pivot to non-monetary terms: If price is stuck, negotiate scope, timeline, terms
- Let them anchor first (when you have less information)

When anchored against:
- Don't counter-anchor immediately
- Label: "It seems like you have a number in mind based on something I'm not seeing."
- Ask calibrated questions: "How did you arrive at that?"

Handling "That's too expensive"

Never defend or justify price immediately.

Response sequence:
1. Mirror: "Too expensive?"
2. Label: "It seems like price is the main concern here."
3. Calibrated question: "What would you need to see to feel comfortable with this investment?"

Or use: "What does 'too expensive' mean to you?"

Application by Context

Pricing/Sales

• Lead with accusation audit (address objections preemptively)
• Use calibrated questions to understand their constraints
• Anchor high, concede strategically using Ackerman
• Find black swans: "What would make this a no-brainer?"

Conflict/Difficult Conversations

• Mirror to slow down and gather information
• Label emotions before addressing substance
• Aim for "That's right" before proposing solutions
• Use calibrated questions to make them own the solution

Written Communication (Email/Copy)

• Open with accusation audit
• Use labeling language ("You might be thinking...")
• End with calibrated question
• Keep it short—long emails don't get read

Partnership/Deal Negotiation

• Discover black swans early through deep listening
• Use "How am I supposed to do that?" to push back softly
• Get them to "No" on unreasonable terms
• Aim for implementation focus: "How will we make sure this works?"

Quick Reference

Anti-Patterns

• Compromising/Splitting the difference → Leaves value on table, no one satisfied
• "I understand" → Dismissive, use labels instead
• "Why" questions → Feels accusatory
• Defending price immediately → Shows weakness
• Talking too much → You learn nothing, they don't feel heard
• Accepting first offer → Always negotiate, even if offer seems good